Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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