small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
