Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
