I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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