Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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