i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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