She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize