A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
