On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
