I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
