She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
