shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
