well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
