felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
