nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Drunk is a universal language darling
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
