physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
