I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
