oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
