i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
