No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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