i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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