This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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