This girl is more easily done than said...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
