After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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