A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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