dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
