If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
