you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
