You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
