is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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