No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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