i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
