I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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