fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
