sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
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