Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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