I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
the condom got lost in my hair
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize