you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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