so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
