i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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