Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Use "feeling words"
Yay
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
