I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
