my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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