Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
