i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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