btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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