my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
