Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
