Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
