oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
