At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
