oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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