I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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