my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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