Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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