The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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