I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
