I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
