THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
