Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
