all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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