ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
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