Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
