she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
