So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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