her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
