dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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