Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I pour the whiskey from now on
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
