It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
