I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
