good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
