Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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