I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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