my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
