I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
